The Journey: Becoming A Man

What is modern masculinity and how do we become the best non-toxic man we can be?

 

Definition of An Alpha Male

Dictionary.com describes an alpha as:

a male animal having the highest rank in a dominance hierarchy: Studies show that in spite of their high rank, access to females, etc., baboon alpha males experience a great deal of stress.

the most dominant, powerful, or assertive man in a particular group: the alpha male of investment bankers.

Toxic Masculinity Definition

A quote from Medical News Today:

The exact definition of toxic masculinity has evolved over time.

A study in the Journal of School of Psychology uses the following definition to explain toxic masculinity: “the constellation of socially regressive [masculine] traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence.”

In modern society, people often use the term toxic masculinity to describe exaggerated masculine traits that many cultures have widely accepted or glorified.

This harmful concept of masculinity also places significant importance on ‘manliness’ based on:

• strength
• lack of emotion
• self-sufficiency
• dominance
• sexual virility

According to traditional toxic masculine values, a male who does not display enough of these traits may fall short of being a ‘real man.’

Overemphasis of these traits may lead to harmful imbalances in someone trying to live up to these expectations. Some examples include:

• aggression
• sexual aggression or control
• showing no emotion or suppressing emotions
• hyper-competitiveness
• needing to dominate or control others
• a tendency towards or glorification of violence
• isolation
• low empathy
• entitlement
• chauvinism and sexism

END QUOTE.

One example of this includes telling another person who is showing emotion to “man up;” in other words, to hide that emotion. This example illustrates how some people view emotion or vulnerability as ‘unmanly.’

Do you see how this frame completely distorts what it means to be a man? It’s no wonder the majority of males are lost, confused, and suicidal. So you’re telling me that we are not allowed to be strong, virile, dominant, emotionally reserved, and competitive? Camaan.

Examples

Dualistic Expectations

It is important to note that the APA has been systematically deconstructed by a particular group of angry, sexist individuals. Therefore, anything remotely masculine is automatically deemed as “bad.”

In theory, women are said to want a nice man. “6 foot tall, a millionaire, who loves kids, all that.” In practice, it’s terrifyingly the opposite. Girls inherently operate in dating with whats known as “strategic pluralism.” Basically meaning girls frame guys one of two ways – either “I’d sleep with that guy, or I’d marry that guy.”

(Anyone in a sexless marriage should pay very close attention to this article.)

So why is it that most women like “bad boys”?

Well, there are certain key behaviors that Mother Nature deems appropriate to keep making babies. There are also certain key behaviors that society deems appropriate to be a part of it’s structure.

In my article about the two wolves, I discuss the importance of constantly leveling out our natural dualistic nature. A big part of the game is how to operate in both arenas, being the best you can possibly be, without violating your own compass as a man.

The reason why girls like unsavory characters is because some of those masculine traits tell her you are a good sex partner, so the parts that tell her you definitely won’t be in the picture for the long haul she can ignore, backwards-rationalize and make excuses for. This is not to say she is devious.

This is to say: You can NOT negotiate with mother Nature. She knows what’s best. What is second-best? The behaviors society deem fruitful. Why? Because NOT EVERYONE CAN BE THE ALPHA. There would be mass chaos and destruction. Just look around you if you want a demonstration. Some people are leaders, some are followers, and some are outcasts.

The actions your mother told you to take were honestly some of the ones that made sure you would never have babies.

“Treat her well, do what she says, buy her flowers.”

These actions in and of themselves are good, but not desirable ones. They are cute ones. Let’s be honest – how would you personally feel if a woman sent flowers to your work? You would probably think about being embarrassed, or how someone cut down flowers to rot and die in a few days. Maybe even go into a tangent about how much that costed and she should have just bought crypto….I digress.

Let’s say you take a girl out and buy her dinner “to get to know her”. What you are actually doing is buying dinner for a stranger in hopes of getting something in return. She can’t really focus on you, because you’re the same as the last five guys. She is focused on the football player who never called her back! You see, this is where the game comes in, because we all as humans have this dualistic nature. Not only were you buying her dinner to get to know her, you probably had an intention of trying to sleep with her. Am I correct?

We were also born as neutral, and later evolved a sex. This is why men have nipples.

Do women really like nice guys – yes, and no. Yes, women love a guy who make them feel special. Women love guys who make them feel special, even though they don’t believe the woman is special. You follow? They wish the football player would buy them flowers, not your corny ass. And when he does it’s a tightrope walk, because guys that buy flowers are like you. I don’t say all that to be a complete ass, I say all that to say a lot of girls would rather get mistreated than deal with a needy guy who has no boundaries and won’t stick up for himself. This is why you must understand the game!

 

They want both – and in some cases, twelve different guys at the same time! (Because her mom has a man who x, Stacy has a man who x, her ex did y, and that guy at the party did z.) And it can sometimes always fluctuate. This is why you need to know The World, and women, but most importantly THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW YOU.

You need to understand WHY you operate the way you do. To understand who you really ARE. To understand what life really IS.

That way you are the director, not just another actor.

The perfect man for a girl is set up into 3 archetypes – vampire, werewolf, CEO. The perfect husband is set up into one – a husband.

Last little piece on this: Girls like different types of men during different parts of their moon cycles.

I know this sounds a little doomsy here, I’m trying to make sure my words are impeccable. I’m also trying to shine some light, and not sound completely inflammatory. I am by no means blanketing or accusing anyone of anything nefarious. That being said, here are the three reasons I see most men peak in high school.

 

Three Common Struggles

Lack of Awareness / Ego

One thing I notice in the majority of struggling relationships is that guys rest on their laurels. They may have been a star quarterback in high school, but never made it to the NFL. So why are they still peacocking all of the achievements from 20 years ago? I’ll never understand. So they sit at a bar every weekend watching other men actually play in the League. Then drive home in their huge pickup truck that they can’t afford – back to the even bigger house that they can’t afford, surrounded by people they don’t like but still have to flex on. They think that they can just sit around barking orders, gaining weight, and demanding sex. This is something I’ll never understand.

It’s also fair to say that most men don’t have a complete picture of what a relationship is or what a woman really is. I notice all the time guys just let their girlfriends steamroll them or go out of their way to please her. The mantra “happy wife, happy life” is said in a pathetic sarcastic tone, while a grotesque fake smile eases its way out of their mouth.

Lack of Principles and Values / Boundaries

I’ve noticed that a lot of guys never become who they ultimately could be or they had potential to be great, but then got into a marriage or had kids and gave up on all of their dreams.

Another set of issues I’ve noticed while working with my clients is that they don’t really have their own sense of self. They have this “yes dear” mentality and get caught in a lot of relationship traps. Let’s say for example you go on a strict workout routine and your girl complains about you not spending time with her

Lack of Positive Communication

Whether it is verbal, non verbal, the last struggle a lot of men face is communication skills. In my course, I break down communications into 4 sections and how to maximize them. Verbiage, body language, vibe, and tonality.

The 5 Pillars

As I discuss in my book, there are 5 systems that make up the human animal that I refer to as the 5 pillars.

• The Physical Body
• Intillectual Interface
• Emotional Framework
• Social Network
• Relationship To Self

 

Prepping The Vessel

Mindset

How To Evolve

Life Assessment

We use three tools to assess who you are and break down your personality traits.

Personality Type

Most people don’t know their personality traits. Some of the advantages of knowing yours are:

• knowing yourself more to understand others
• understanding your strengths and weaknesses
• understanding your actions and choices

Core Beliefs and Values

It is important to understand what you believe, and also what you value in life. Knowing these will help you move in the right direction in life.

Mission

Developing Discipline

Creating Goals

Refining Your Ecosystem

Staying Sharp

Expanding

Leaving Your Legacy